


How to be human

by Rachael98



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:20:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachael98/pseuds/Rachael98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Post Season Eight finale)<br/>Dean Winchester goes home from taking his brother Sam into hospital.<br/>It's been a hard night, and he doesn't know how he's going to dig himself out this time.<br/>If the angels have really fallen, that means Cas is out there. Lost, alone, and human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to be human

Dean sighed before stepping inside. He was so tired. He was reluctant to leave Sam in the hospital, but he was only a few miles away and wouldn’t be coming round for a few days at least. He looked over his shoulder, the sun was rising. The sun was rising over thousands of fallen angels. One of them was Cas. Dean remembered his stomach violently drop when he looked up at the meteor shower, realizing that one of the falling angels was his best friend. He didn’t want to linger on the subject any more, it didn’t stop him thinking about it though. Castiel, his angel. Torn from his grace and thrown onto the earth. Lost. A scared, lost, confused Cas out there somewhere. Watching the beautiful sunrise. Just like him.   
He’d called Charlie and asked her to come down. He needed her. For the company. As far as he knew, Kevin hadn’t left the Men of Letters, and they were both waiting for Dean to return from the hospital. Stepping inside, Dean was greeted by the familiar smell of old books and coffee. Even though he had asked Charlie to come, and asked Kevin to stay, Dean suddenly wished he could be alone. He wanted to act like a girl and cry in his bed. Worry about Sam and mourn Cas. He clenched his fists. Pull yourself together, he thought to himself. He slowly exhaled, before going down the stairs just as slowly. Kevin was sitting at the table drinking whisky straight from the bottle. He noticed Dean half-way through a mouthful, greeting him with a simple hand gesture.   
“How’s Sam?” he asked, lying the bottle down.  
“He should be fine.” Dean muttered rubbing his face. “Well that’s what they said.”  
“What did you tell them?” He asked, leaning in.  
Dean shrugged and looked over his shoulder. “Where- Where’s Charlie?” He asked frowning.  
Kevin took another drink. “She’ll be down in a minute.” He took another drink before finally screwing the cap back on the bottle.   
Neither of them said anything for a moment.  
“It’s been a long fucking night.” Kevin muttered, shaking his head. “I thought it was the end of the world.”  
“I thought it was beautiful,” Sighed a tired voice from the top of the steps. “Before I realized it was the entire population of heaven, falling to earth.”  
Dean swung around. Charlie gave him a quick half-hearted half smile.   
“How is he?” She asked, before Dean wrapped his arms around her small body. Holding her tight to him and resting his jaw on her head. She wiggled at first, but quickly accepted that Dean just wanted to hug someone. “Everything’s okay, Dean.” She looked up at him and Dean could feel his eyes were glazed with tears. He blinked and turned to look back at Kevin who had his head on the table, then back to Charlie who was biting her lip.  
“I- Eh..” Dean didn’t know what to say.   
“Kevin found Castiel.” Charlie blurted out, and Dean jerked his head.  
“What? Cas?” He looked back at Kevin. “You found Cas?”  
“Must have been an hour ago.” Charlie rubbed her forehead, “He wanted some fresh air so just went for a walk down the road. Came back with him slung round his arm. I guess Cas found us.”   
“And you didn’t tell me?” Dean demanded.   
“He’s pretty broken up, Dean.” Kevin’s voice was muffled before he finally lifted his head from the table. “We thought it would be best if you just let him rest for a while.”  
“Where is he?” He almost shouted. Charlie exchanged a glance with Kevin.  
“Where is he?” He repeated. Charlie sighed.  
“Your room.” She muttered and Dean walked past her. “Dean,” she called him back, he poked his head round the door. “Be careful with him.”  
'Be careful with him' he repeated in his head, Of course I’ll be 'careful' with him. Dean practically marched down the hall and back up another set of stairs. Finally reaching his room, he put his hand on the door. Opening the door so it was ajar, Dean looked in. He couldn’t see anyone. Then, he saw curled up on his bed, a limp figure. Trench coat and tie in a heap on the floor. He crept in.   
“Cas,” He said quietly, Cas didn’t move. His eyes were closed, resting his head on Deans pillow and an old shirt.  
“Cas,” He said again, his voice slightly broken, touching him gently on the shoulder. Cas kept his position. Dean sat on the bed next to him for a minute, his hands under his knees.   
“Hey, I don’t really know what happened up there.” He began, “Guess Naomi was right all along. I’ll be sticking Metatron’s face to a darts board.” He stopped and listened to Cas’s light breathing. “Sammy’s gonna be fine.” Dean sighed, reaching his right hand up to his ear, scratched behind it. “I- I don’t know what we’re gonna do, Cas.”   
Cas buried his head further into Dean’s old shirt. Dean turned and touched his shoulder. “Hey, hey, Cas.” He reassured him, “It’s okay, everything’s fine. You’re okay.”  
He kicked his shoes off and straightened himself up onto the bed next to a still curled up Cas.   
“You’re fine, Cas.” He repeated again, stroking his hair, “You’re okay. It’s all fine. It’s gonna be okay.”  
Dean sat reassuring him until about half five, when he was sure Cas had fallen asleep. He wasn’t moving, but he made little whimpering noises now and again. Dean would have got up to check on Kevin, but Cas had fallen asleep on Dean’s arm so he couldn’t get up without waking him. He just sat and stared at the blank wall. Thinking. Was there anything he could do? Angles walking the earth. Where did their grace even go? Was it in heaven? Did Metatron have it? He could try to reason with him... Sam was still in the hospital He wasn’t doing anything until Sam was allright. They didn’t let Dean stick around so he just went and sat in the waiting room.  
When the nurse said he was stable, he went through to see him. He just sat with his brother for an hour or two. The Men of Letters wasn’t that far outside the city and it only took about twenty minutes to get back. Dean looked down at Cas. What was he meant to do with him? He was a human. He didn’t know anything. He’d have to teach him how to be a human. And considering what had just happened, it wouldn’t be easy. He’d be waking up to screams, he doubt Cas would eat properly, oh and this had to stop. Cas would be getting his own bed. Not his. After another hour of thinking, Dean slowly fell asleep, dreaming of meteor showers and hospitals, holding Cas’s hand.

 

“Cas. Cas, wake up.” Dean tried to shake him gently, “Cas, you’re dreaming.”  
Cas opened his eyes, but his vision was blurred.   
“Cas. You’re dreaming.” Dean shook him again. “You’re here. Remember? You found me.”  
Cas sat up quickly and slowly rocked himself, hanging onto the bed. Dean reached across and touched his shoulder, “You’re okay.” He reassured him. Cas shook his head at the ground and left the room. Dean sighed and collapsed back onto his bed. He checked his phone. No updates from the hospital. It was half ten. When was the last time he’d slept for four solid hours? Grabbing some clean clothes, he went for a shower.  
Charlie was sitting at the table on Sam’s laptop with a coffee. She had an old Star Wars shirt on and cropped green trousers. It didn’t look like she’d had much sleep.  
“Morning.” She smiled, taking another drink from her coffee.  
Dean raised his eyebrows. “What are you looking at?”  
“CCTV cameras.” She said, typing away. “It looks like the angels are keeping it quiet. The ‘meteor showers’ were all over the news, though. I was checking the cameras in the hospital, Sam looks like he’s going to be fine.”  
“Do you mind if I...” Dean looked at his brothers laptop.  
“Go ahead,” Charlie stood up, “I put Kevin in a room next to Sam’s. I don’t think he’ll be up for a while. How’s Castiel?”  
Dean looked up at her. Then he glanced across the room, biting his lip.   
“He’s just lost everything. Everything he ever was and is, is gone. He’s not gonna be ‘okay’ for some time.” He sighed.  
Charlie looked apologetically at him and touched his shoulder, “He hasn’t lost everything, Dean.” She corrected him, “He hasn’t lost you.” She squeezed his shoulder before walking away, leaving Dean to think for a minute before he looked at the CCTV.  
Charlie made Dean a coffee and the two sat in silence for ten minutes. Charlie kept looking at her hands, her mouth was moving as if she was speaking but no words were coming out. Kevin came round at eleven, accompanied with a hangover. Charlie rushed to make yet another coffee, while he collapsed into a chair.  
“You stink, kiddo.” Dean muttered.  
“Where’s Cas?” Kevin asked, sitting up and squinting. Dean pretended not to hear him. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do about Crowley yet?”  
Dean looked up. He’d left Crowley in the church and hadn’t given him much thought. From what Sam had been saying on the way to the hospital, It was obvious that something had happened.  
“I don’t know,” He sighed, shaking his head, “What is there to do about him? He could be human, he could be demon. Hell, he could be anything. I can’t just let him go.”  
“So you’re suggesting we bring him back here? Put him in that... dungeon?” Kevin was looking pale.  
“Bring Him back here?” Dean repeated, “I’ll think about it. I’m not doing anything until Sam’s alright.” Dean looked back down at the screen, and neither of them said any more about it.   
Cas had spent all morning slowly walking around the bunker. When Charlie tried to make small talk with him, he just shook his head or murmured a noise quietly. He just looked hopelessly out the window on the way to the hospital. Dean turned the stereo on. Dean sang along to the stereo. Dean danced to the stereo. Cas didn’t bat an eyelid.   
“Cas,” Dean said quietly after a while, “Did they... They didn’t...” He didn’t know how to get his words out. “Did Metatron hurt you, Cas?”   
Dean looked over at him when they were at a straight on the road. Cas swallowed and looked further out the window. Dean sighed. Talking to Cas was useless.  
He didn’t say anything in the hospital either. The nurse said Sam was making good progress and should be awake in a few days, but he still had that pain in his eyes. That look of sadness, guilt even, although he had done nothing, Dean thought it was possibly because he couldn’t do anything to help Sam.  
At one point, he just burst out crying, bowing his head and holding onto the table so tightly that it made his knuckles go white. Dean thought it would just be best to go, so he said goodbye to Sam, and took Cas back to the car. Cas sat in the back, this time. He moved both legs underneath him and rested his head on the window. Small tears still slowly rolling down his cheeks.   
“Hey, Do you remember this, Cas?” He asked after about ten minutes, turning the volume up slightly, “We were driving back from... Atlanta. And it came on the radio, and Sam asked me not to give you the whole history behind the words. And you,” He tried to stop himself from laughing, “You thought it was about pie.”   
Cas sniffed.   
“Come on, Cas. You haven’t said one word to me since last night.” Dean glanced in the mirror at him, “Sing with me, they were singing, bye bye miss American pie, Everyone knows the words to this, man. It’s like Happy Birthday. You’re born knowing it.”  
When they got back, Charlie informed them saying that scientists were trying to get behind the ‘freak meteor shower’. Kevin had thrown up all over the bathroom and was now asleep on the sofa. The whole of the downstairs smelled like disinfectant.  
“Home sweet home.” Dean muttered, patting Kevin on the head. Charlie said something about getting back home, but Dean reassured her that it was okay to just stay until the morning. He hadn’t really had much of a day. Waking up late, hacking into the government for a few hours, visiting his close to brain dead brother, then finally collapsing into a chair just so he could do some more hacking.  
“You should get some new clothes.” Charlie squinted at Cas, who was still wearing his classic suit and trench coat that he had picked up from the floor. The clothes were all too big for him.  
“Cas, have you had anything to eat today?” Dean asked, looking up from the laptop. “Anything to drink?”  
Cas moved abruptly and made his way to the kitchen.  
“How is he?” Charlie asked quietly, making sure she was out of earshot.  
“He was having nightmares. He hasn’t said anything at all.” Dean sighed, leaning back. “He started crying when I took him to see Sam. He’s not doing great.”   
“When Kevin brought him in last night, he fell down the stairs. He’s not falling all over the place, is he?” She asked.  
“No, he’s been fine. It’s the whole eating thing I’m worried about.” Dean muttered. “I don’t think I can cope with them both in hospital.”  
Suddenly, there was a smashing from the kitchen.   
“Cas?” Dean called out, glancing at Charlie, “Cas, you okay?”  
There was no reply.   
Cas was kneeling down in a puddle of water with his head in his hands, and broken shards of glass everywhere. Slowly, red merged with the water, like when you wash a paint brush in a cup. Dean swore under his breath before grabbing his arm and pulling him up. His hands and legs were both bleeding.  
“Son of a bitch.” Dean pulled Cas’s trouser leg up, inspecting how bad it was, “This way, Mr. Bump.”   
He sat Cas down in a chair while he cleaned up the mess, muttering things to himself as he went about it.  
Cas didn’t wince as Dean stitched him up. He just kept looking between his cuts and Deans face. Deans fingers trembled as he held Cas’s hand, making tiny holes in the palm with a needle. His hands were cold, he could feel the bones. He was so scares he’d damage him in some way. What was he going to do with him? He wouldn’t talk, eat, he couldn’t even get himself a glass of water.  
Dean made him have a shower while he made himself a sandwich and got a beer. Thinking back to his conversation with Kevin, what was he going to do with Crowley? He didn’t think he was a demon anymore. But he certainly wasn’t human either. He came to the conclusion that he would just have to tie him up in the dungeon.   
Charlie was curled up on an armchair, and Kevin was sprawled out on the sofa. He also had to think about Kevin. He had no home, nowhere to go. Maybe he’d just move into the Men of Letters with them. A prophet would need all the protection he could get if vengeful angels were walking the earth. Dean put a blanket over each of them before going upstairs.  
Cas was sitting on the end of Deans bed, looking down at his hands.   
“Your first scars.” Dean laughed in a sad, quiet way. Cas didn’t look up, but kept inspecting his hands.   
“Right.” Dean sighed, placing some clothes next to him. “You need to sleep. I found these, and this is my old shirt.” Then he left the room, waiting outside.   
Guess he’s sleeping in my bed again, Dean didn’t quite know if he had a problem with this or not.   
When he entered the room again, Cas was having great difficulty with his shirt. It was half inside out and he was trying to squeeze his head through the arm hole.   
Dean silently went to the side of the bed Cas was at and tugged the shirt of gently. He straightened it out before pulling it back over Cas’s head and pushing his arms through.   
Cas looked up at Dean. And Dean gave him a warm half hearted smile, Cas bowed his head down. Dean leaned into him and rubbed his shoulders, moving his hands up his neck until they were at the back of his head. Then he kissed his tufty hair before resting his chin on his head.   
Charlie and Kevin were both asleep, Dean was too tired to do any work. He just lay down next to Cas on top of the blanket. Cas was facing the wall, so Dean turned over to face the wall and put his arm round him. Like he did to Lisa when her Dad died. Or like he used to do to Sam in the back of the car when they were younger. Cas traced the back of Deans hand with his index finger softly.   
Strangely, Dean didn’t feel weird. Or uncomfortable. Sleeping next to Cas in the same bed. He was, for the first time in a while, okay. For months he had been worrying about Sam and the trials, but now that was all over and Sam was going to be okay. Cas had been gone for weeks, stressing himself out about how he could be hurt or dead. But now, even thought everyone was still a bit broken, he could fix it.  
He’d been so angry when he saw Cas again. When he saw him first, lying on the road, all he’d felt was worry, but in the morning, he realised just how angry he was. Cas had joked about aiming for the backseat on the way back, and Dean had laughed, but he was then so livid. Cas had left him when he needed him most. He just flew off, leaving Dean to pick up the pieces again.   
He didn’t feel any of that now. He was at peace.   
Sam was finally getting back on his feet; Kevin could recover from his obvious cabin fever that he had caught from the weeks in Garth’s boat, and have some freedom for the first time in a while; And Cas, the defeated man in his arms was going to take some time to heal, but he was still there, he still had Cas.   
He was still slowly tracing the back of his hand. Dean thought about all the times Cas had helped Dean. It wasn’t just like in Purgatory, when he drove everything away. But all the other times too. Like, attacking Alastair. Pushing him out the way so he could protect him from Dick. Now it was Dean’s turn.   
He fell asleep to the sound of Cas’s breathing, holding his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking about adding more chapters to this, but also quite like it the way it is.  
> So new chapter may, or may not be on their way!


End file.
